Life 5

Was work life easier when I was in Kolkata?Maybe. Maybe not. I was doing something that I had been doing for years altogether. Wait... that's not entirely true. I did something new in every project.

I struggled big time in my first project in my second innings with C. I had to learn all the processes afresh. Many of the tools were new. And the office space reminded of my dead husband. We had met each other there for the first time. We had distributed wedding cards to the very same people who I was working with. Did they make me feel comfortable? Mostly no. They kept their distance. Maybe because of the tragedy. Maybe because I felt differently. And they sensed it. It took me some time to settle down. It also marked the time when my anxiety about my child began. I struck friendships with my juniors. Although I left the project under less than optimal circumstances, I left after having achieved positive results.
The next stop gap project was in a different technology. I ended up in a reporting role to one of my peers. The boss was a mean old bastard who felt obsolete. He made sure to drop me in difficult situations. Fortunately, the big boss was favourably inclined towards me and let me go when I wanted to. My most favorite boss of all times had joined C in a top position.
I started work in presales for a big client in a technology unknown to me. We did not land the deal but the work I did gained me visibility. I started to manage delivery for another ongoing project with the same client. And I did much better than my predecessor. I moved on to technically complex projects with the same client. Left the account two and a half years later due to disagreement with a senior manager.
Started work for a unique project. It was product development work in collaboration with the product company. Again, a different technology. It was difficult at first because my role was unclear. However, I found ways to be useful and quickly became indispensable to the client. Left the project after the account manager became wary of my success and started slowing me down.
The next project was not a success. I was kicked out while I was still trying to understand the project. I think I was partly to blame. I was under deep emotional duress and my mind was a fuzz. I disliked my next in line and he returned the dislike passionately.
I started doing presales again. 3 different accounts. At this point in time, I came perilously close to being sacked. This was not due to my performance (and I happen to be deeply critical of my performance, so I know what I am talking about). It was due to the appraisal season coinciding with me losing billing. Fortunately for me, one of the presales struck gold and we landed the account that had been eluding us for 3 years.
It was/is a small project but one with a lot of potential. I made some wonderful friends and a possibility developed for something more than friendship. At this time, my current company started pursuing me and I gave in at one point. There were several things that made me shift my entire household over to a new(reportedly ruthless) city. One, my life was not going anywhere. My beau did not try to keep me close to him. A child molestation incident in my kid's school. A desperate urge to get out of my father's house and out of the neighborhood where I had spent 30 years of my life.
I digressed big-time. Point being, in my earlier company I had gained familiarity. A comfort zone of sorts. Which made it possible to seem efficient even on my worst days of mental dysfunction. Like today. When I do not wish to be alive, let alone wish to be in office. But about time I dragged my sorry ass to my workplace.